On the other hand however if you truly care about the sense of self of your child, you have to discipline your children and still give them free choice. How do you do that? You do that by showing them the consequences of their actions. Of a truth I tell you when children begin to learn their actions have consequences; they begin to make informed choices. For instance, you gave a toy to your son and it’s obvious to you that what your son is doing is going to break the toy, maybe you have to allow him to do it so that he will see the consequences. A broken toy, number one, and no replacement either number 2, is that a punishment? Absolutely, it is a punishment. And as you know it punishment is a necessary part of discipline. I wish to call to mind, king Solomon said in Proverbs, a parent that does not punish his child, hate his child. Now hear this, a loving father is just walking in and sees his three year old son has opened up the fridge and is reaching for a pot of soup and his father yells out, no, no, no, don’t do that, but his son just drag out the pot of soup and it comes crashing to the floor and his father just says, that’s okay, I will call the domestic servant to clean up the mess. Be rest assured his son will be a little surprised because he knows he’s done something wrong. Then he might be thinking okay, I will open the fridge again and the next time he opened the fridge, he takes out a container of milk and pour it all over the floor and his father did nothing rather his father said, okay that’s fine, he yells at the domestic servant to come and clean up the mess. I can assure you his son might start to get a little frustrated as nothing he does seems to make a difference and his loving father is reluctant to discipline him. Maybe by the time his son get to fourteen, he is going to throw his three-year-old brother of out of the balcony just to proof that he can make a difference. My brother man and sister woman as parents, it is your responsibility to show your children that they are responsible for their actions. You have to say, you made this mess, now you have to make it go away, that’s punishment. It teaches them to understand that their actions have consequences and if they choose to do the same thing again, they will be punished again, but be careful not to punish your child for every little thing. If you keep doing that, it simply means you are making your child to belief that everything they do has negative consequences and that means they will be too afraid to try anything and that will interfere with their freedom of choice. In the same vein my brother man and sister woman as a parent, whenever you punish your child, you cannot live the child just like that. There has to be an explanation or else the child might come away thinking you don’t love him or you don’t love her. You must give the child a hug, you have to say, you know the reason why I punished you is because I love you so much and I want you to understand and learn. Then your child will understand that he or she was punished out of love. The child will understand the punishment was the resultant effect of love and not because you him or her. My brother man and sister woman we get angry the most, with people we love most because we care. The moment has come for me to harp on one of the most difficult aspects of child’s training and that is giving your child a breathing space.