Everyone wants love, regardless of their reasons for being single, it is an amazing feeling to love and to be loved. And we are not talking about platonic love but romantic love. Now, many people want love for different reasons, some of these reasons can range from purely selfish to selfless reasons. 

In this day of modern technology and the internet, many people in relationships or who aspire to be in relationships do this only because they want to be tagged ‘relationship goals’. This is why many people overlook some very important things to consider before getting into a relationship or dating anyone like emotional readiness, lifestyle choices, and relationship history among many other things. 

Sadly, numerous people have struggled but have never been able to remove their single status. And any single brotherman and sisterwoman who wants to enjoy the perks that come with a relationship will always be puzzled and worried by their singleness. If this is your situation let me help you figure out why you are still single. 

Why You Are Single 

Of a truth, I tell you, two main factors may be directly or indirectly affecting your singleness. These factors are external and internal factors; external factors are factors caused either by your environment or other things you can’t control. Internal factors are factors from within you that are causing your singleness. 

I shall begin with the internal factors causing your singleness.

You Are Traumatized 

Although you may not realize it, your childhood and past relationships play a very vital role in your present relationship life or lack thereof. When I say relationships, I don’t inherently mean romantic relationships, I also mean parent-child, sibling and friendship relationships. The goodness or badness as in this case, can scar you and leave an otherwise permanent mark on your soul.

The terrible thing about trauma is – it is undetected in the majority of people who suffer from it. If your parent-child relationship had you feeling ignored, unseen or unloved, this trauma can reveal itself in your relationships by causing you to seek out love from people who repeatedly ignore you or are nonchalant. 

And this could be one of the reasons why you are single- you are constantly chasing after people who don’t want you and who you can’t have.

You Are Closed Of By Walls 

This can also be called defenses and it is very similar to trauma. But in this case, you are aware of what happened in the past and maybe you feel you have even healed from it but in reality, you haven’t. If you have set up walls in your life or relationship with people, it is a trauma response that is meant to protect you, either from being hurt or being vulnerable. 

You set up walls that prevent you from being fully invested in anyone or from giving anyone a chance to love you. Sometimes people mistake walls for boundaries but they are quite different, the latter you set out of fear/trauma and the former you set when already in a relationship to ensure you enjoy it in the best way possible. 

You Are Picky 

This is another very common reason for the single status of numerous people, being picky. I must state that being picky isn’t technically a bad thing, but when it exceeds moderation it becomes a problem. 

When you are trying to change your relationship status, you have to do everything to pick the right partner for you. But when you start fixating on irrelevant traits and using that to write off a potentially good partner. If you find yourself focusing on things like skin color, height, size, beauty, religion, etc., you are being too picky. Now these things aren’t bad but hyper fixating on these when searching for a partner would keep you single. 

When searching for a partner, it is important to focus on their more endearing qualities, things you have in common and their values. 

You Are A Victim Societal Biases

Societal biases are one of the external factors that could be holding you back and the reasons for being single. The dating pool is filled with people who are part of minority groups who have little to no chance of competing with the majority. People with learning disabilities, illnesses(skin diseases), fat people, etc. always struggle to find partners because society is very judgemental and continues to ostracize these individuals. 

So if you fall into this category, it is probably the reason you are single. 

You Are In The Wrong Environment

If you live in areas where you only have access to people who are considered unfit for a relationship this is also another reason for your relationship status. People who grew up or live in areas where the vast majority of men are mentally unstable, abusers, married, etc. are usually single because it is the best possible decision they can make.

It Is Simply Not Your Time 

Of a truth, I tell you, you cannot change your relationship status if it is not the destined time. One major reason a lot stay single for a particular amount of time is because it is not in their destiny to date at that time. And if they happen to get into any relationship at that time, it is usually a disaster and ends badly. 

There is a spiritual world which plays a role in every aspect of our physical lives, including our relationship status and life. 

My brotherman and sisterwoman, being single is not a crime and is completely normal. If you find yourself single either by choice or circumstance do not grieve over it. Singleness can be a blessing and it is a good time to focus on self-improvement, lifestyle choices, relationship goals, and expectations.